God in the Machine

Literally "God in the machine", Deus Ex Machina originally referred to Greek plays, where the "gods" would be lowered onto the stage with ropes in order to provide a quick resolution to the story. Today, Deus Ex Machina refers to any improbably and/or overly convenient character or mechanism that comes out of nowhere and saves the character(s).

Name:

"I don't get it, Big Dan..." -George Clooney in O Brother, Where Art Thou?

Tuesday, May 11, 2004

2004 Voters' Guide: Who would Jesus vote for?

Who would Jesus vote for?

Like any other question, there are differences of opinion on both sides. Still, even the touchiest of topics can become simple when you break it down scientifically. We’ll go issue by issue:

WAR IN IRAQ
Bush: We must free the good people of Iraq for democracy! Um, by killing them.
Kerry: I’m for the war! Wait, no, I’m against it! Ok… I’m for it again. Hang on... against it… NOW!! What do the polls say?
Advantage: Push.

ABORTION
Democrat: A woman should have the right to choose to do whatever she likes with her body! Um, except drugs! And prostitution! And church attendance!
Republican: Well, even if it isn’t fully realized, SOMETHING dies in an abortion. Abortion should be a no-no until we get the life thing sorted out. Unless, of course, the pregnant woman is a Bush daughter.
Advantage: Republican.

HEALTH CARE
Republican: Everybody the wife and I know has fine health care.
Democrat: I’m a Democrat, duh.
Advantage: Democrat.

THE BIBLE
Kerry: I know a Bible verse. The Pope told me.
Bush: I know A LOT of Bible verses, and I’m going to beat the hell out of you with all of them.
Advantage: Push.

ECONOMY
Bush: The economy is surging.
Kerry: No, it’s not.
Bush: Yes, it is.
Kerry: No, it’s not.
Bush: You’re a jerkface.
Kerry: No, you are, jerkface.
Advantage: Wal-Mart.

GUN CONTROL
Democrat: Guns are ok, but let’s just be caref….
Republican: BANG!!
Advantage: Republican.

THE ENVIRONMENT
Republican: The what?
Democrat: Two words, dude… hemp!
Advantage: Democrat.

So, there you have it. Wasn’t that easy? Who would Jesus vote for? REPUBLICANS 2, DEMOCRATS 2. Just like in real life, nobody wins.

Bush or Kerry? It's like asking which Menendez brother you like better.

2 Comments:

Blogger Alex said...

You said it. There's a pro-Kerry website that says it all for me: JohnKerryIsADoucheBagButImVotingForHimAnyway.com

9:44 AM  
Blogger jonathan@reengage.org said...

Liked this! Glad you visited my blog - I'll keep an eye on yours!

Jonathan reengage.org

5:10 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home